10 WAYS HOW NOT TO GET FAT IN A MARRIAGE (OR RELATIONSHIP)

by Joan Oshatz on July 20, 2010 in Overweight / Fat

10-25-2014 1-32-10 PM

Okay, today is Day 2 of ProBlogger’s 31 Days to Build a Better Blog with the SITS Girls Challenge. You’re going to love my post today. I’m going to give you a list of 10 Ways How Not to Get Fat in a Marriage (or Relationship). So take this seriously, because although it may appear to be lighthearted and funny – I’m serious. Extremely serious.

Today’s challenge is to write a list post (a post with some kind of list in it). This is what it has to say about lists: “Using lists has always been a popular and effective technique among bloggers wanting to write content that spreads from one person to the next.”

Now the one thing I want more than anything is to have my blog spread from one person to the next, like Ree Drummond’s blog The Pioneer Woman.

She’s so big that I’m going to devote an entire paragraph just to her. I heard on The View, at least I believe it was The View, when Ree Drummond appeared on it, that twenty million readers a month read her blog. Yes, you heard me correctly. Twenty million readers! I don’t even know how many zeros are in twenty million that’s why I’m spelling it out! Was I jealous? I was foaming at the mouth. What I would give to have twenty million readers reading my blog!

And then my big dream would be to appear on The View and have Barbara Walters, Whoopi Goldberg, Joy Behar, Elisabeth Hasselbeck and Sherri Shepherd all wanting to gab with me. The highlight would come when Whoopi would say to me, “I understand that you have a Master of Fine Arts Degree in Screenwriting from UCLA.”

I would demurely nod my head and Whoopi would say, “You’re a very talented writer. Why don’t you write a screenplay for me?”

I would smile sweetly and say, “Well, actually, Whoopi, I did write a screenplay for you. I sent a letter to your office asking you if you would have your agent read it, but you ignored my letter.”

A puzzled look would come over Whoopi’s face. “You did?”

“Yes, but I didn’t have a literary agent representing me, so you probably thought to yourself, ‘Well, how good can the screenplay be if the girl can’t even get an agent to represent her.’ You know, Whoopi, Gena Rowlands personally read the screenplay and wanted to star in it so how bad could it be?”

“Gena Rowlands wanted to star in your screenplay? She’s a wonderful actress,” Whoopi would say.

“Yes, she is,” I would agree.

Well, as my dearly departed mother used to say, “It’s not worth thinking about anymore. It’s water under the bridge. Remember a rolling stone gathers no moss. Move forward with your life, Joanie, and stop looking backwards or you might get run over by an elephant.”

“An elephant? Mother what are you talking about?”

“Elephant? Did I say elephant?” Mother would say laughing, “I meant to say – oh, you know what I meant to say!”

No, I didn’t always know what Mother meant to say, but she was always a barrel of laughs. Come to think of it, I would gladly give up having twenty million readers reading my blog if I could have my mother back again for just one day. I would treasure that day forever.

Dear reader, I have to apologize. I know I promised to write a list about 10 Ways How Not to Get Fat in a Marriage (or Relationship), but I wasn’t planning to go off on a tangent. So I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to shorten my list from 10 Ways How Not to Get Fat in a Marriage (or Relationship) to One Way How Not to Get Fat in a Marriage (or Relationship) – but not to worry, the other 9 ways weren’t that important anyhow. Believe me this is the most important lesson that a woman has to learn.

Okay, here it is: One Way How Not To Get Fat In A Marriage (or Relationship).

1. Marry a man who loves you.

That’s the secret. It’s as simple as that. If you have to talk the man into marrying you, or if he’s unsure about how he really feels about you, then you need to walk away and find a man who really cherishes and loves you, because if you don’t I can promise you that you will live to regret it and you will end up eating your heart out and getting fat.

I know this sounds like a no brainer to marry a man who loves you, but it’s not as simple as it may seem. You see, we women can be very determined when we fall in love with a man and know he’s the one we want to marry. We’re willing to hang in there for as long as it takes to break down his resistance until he finally gives in and marries us. But I’m warning you: DON’T DO IT! Run, run, run in the opposite direction.

If you want to learn more, read my two blogs titled, “Were There Red Flags?” and “Lost In My Fantasy.”

Wonderful! This completes Day 2’s challenge.

Looking forward to tomorrow’s challenge. And have I told you how happy I am to be back blogging.

{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

connie August 3, 2010 at 2:05 am

I love what I have seen of your blog. I agree with your #1 reason, however my interpretation of what I think love is has changed after 3 marriages….but, yes, we can learn new tricks!

Reply

abadmarriageisfattening August 3, 2010 at 4:17 am

Connie, thank you for visiting my blog and your comment. I would love to hear how your interpretation of love has changed after 3 marriages if you care to reveal it.

Reply

tava tea August 24, 2010 at 4:24 pm

i have been following this blog for some time now, good job by the way

Reply

abadmarriageisfattening August 26, 2010 at 11:32 am

Thank you so much for following my blog. I appreciate having you as a reader!

Reply

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